I was 19 when I found a mass in my left breast when I was practicing BSE (Breast Self-examination). At first, I thought it was just nothing, that maybe I’m gonna be having my period that’s why it felt so lumpy or something. I let a few weeks passed by and forgot all about it. Until one day, I decided to do BSE again and then there it was. It was now so hard as in a SOLID form that can easily be palpated and one thing really scary about it is that even when I’m in an upright position I can still palpate it. I got scared but its a good thing that it was movable so somehow it has higher possibility that it is benign.

******FYI, In doing BSE, you are suppose to put your hand in the back of your head while lying down.

******FYI,If the tumor is movable, in almost all cases, it is benign (not cancerous), but now there are some cases where the cancer cells mutated unpredicatably, that despite its movability, it still turned out to be cancerous.

I immediately told my mom about, she didn’t panicked but I can tell that she was shocked by the news. I also told my friends about it and one friend of mine, whose mom is a cancer survivor offered me her help and accompanied me in the clinic of her Mom’s Oncologist.

When we arrived at the clinic, waiting is the hardest part, I sat between a woman who has had her left breast removed and another woman who has had both of her breast removed. I just had a terrible feeling that I might be looking into my future, really scary. I got really paranoid and my friend, Izah noticed it. When the time comes to enter the room, I was so nervous and I feel awkward because its a guy doctor and really it is awkward. After the consultation, the doctor told me that there is a high possibility that it may be just a benign tumor but to know for sure, I should just have it extracted. And I did.

Five days before my 20th birthday, My mom and Izah came with me for my breast cystectomy. It was a quick procedure though, like less than a hour but the I have to wait after a week for the result.

Waiting for the results is too painful. I find myself on most times, imagining the worst, having cancer, losing my breast, not being able to get married, and dying. I could not bear the thought of not being able to get married and have a happy family, and if I can’t do that, then what’s there else to live for? Seriously, As the day of the releasing of results drew near, the nerves, fidgetting gets even more crazy. And then, the day comes, I had no one to go with me, so I came to pick-up the results alone. I remember the feeling like I was kind of walking aimlessly. My mind keeps on blanking. And when my name was called, I rush into the counter and took the sealed envelope. I immediately open it and there, I was relieved the word BENIGN suddenly became the best word ever. Suddenly, All my dreams came rushing back at me. It was a good feeling. Like all my hopes and dreams are alive again.

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