where everyone's thoughts matter.

Monthly Archives: June 2012

A frustrated traveler. I think that’s what I can call myself. As a child, I have always dreamed of going around the world. I used to love reading about different counrties and cities and somehow I feel that I am travelling vicariously every time I read. I think I was about 10 when I memorized almost every single country and it’s capital. I was quite dreamer and I still am now.

There are a lot places that I want to go to but it was never the right time or I never had enough money. But It were up to me, I’d be definitely out there, travelling the world, learning languages, taking pictures and eating every native delicacies.

Now,  It still isn’t the right time and I still don’t have the money to get me somewhere I want to be but I will not stop dreaming. Maybe someday, I’ll be able to go around the places that I want to be. I don’t really know how can I be able to do that, maybe I’ll win the lottery or maybe when I have someone else’s pay check or whatever but I know Icant give up on my dreams.

I can’t wait for the day that I’m sitting in the shore of a beach somewhere writing about how marvelous and surreal just looking and drowning of it’s natural beaty or the time when I am in a knee-deep snow and feeling so cold but still making my very first snowman. Or the time when I am in the middle of park where leaves are falling endlessly as wind is blowing them all around. Or the time I’m in a wonderful garden where every flowers bloom around me. I just cant wait to witness every unique majestic view of the different places I want to visit. I can’t wait to see first hand how enchant how every places speak of stories of people and structures and I can’t wait to write all about it.

Someday, hopefully I can. 🙂


I’ll be writing down the list of the places that I wan’t to visit on my next blog.

Looking inside and wanting to belong,

Curled up in bed with heart beating strong.

Closed lip sighs, another pain locked away.

Vows you want to make but it was never the right day.

Taking a leap, you have been waiting for so long.

Immense in a state where heart is breaking in the sun.

Opened up yourself and wishing him to stay.

But he was never in love, he just cared anyway.

You tell yourself it’s okay. You tried to give your best shot.

But you were never okay with the fact that he loves you not.

You chose to put on a face. So determined, so willing, so brave.

But unraveling the mask, you are trapped in loneliness’s grave.

Crackling sounds of thunder is not helping your case.

Falling is a kind of blunder and believing is such a waste.

You were on the brink of giving up the love you always want.

But just before you were to cut ends loose, he extended his hand.

He reached to you and suddenly you feel no reason to be sad.

Your heart skipped a beat and you swore it was the best day you ever had.

Clouding up in thoughts

while mind speaks frightened words.

Whispers in the wind

but messages remain unheard.

The solitude of a man,

peaceful as the break of dawn.

In a solitary room,

where love was never on.

He has nowhere to go.

No one to turn to for advice.

He is on his own.

Watching himself demise.

Alone in the silence

Left out in the crowd.

With nothing but his thoughts

and the pain screaming loud.

As what you have read in my previous entry, I have a lot of time to blog now because I was advised to take 7 days rest. So I’ve been having a lot of ME time since yesterday. I don’t have that much to do considering my surgical wound, I can’t really do anything that can cause physical strain so what I was doing is just basically bumming around the house watching “GRIMM” and watching youtube videos and then I realized that I haven’t listened to any boyband songs recently since I became a fan of emo, punk, alternative rock music. So I decided to just watch boyband music videos in youtube. It was really a surreal moment reminiscing the days when we were just so gaga about all the boy bands that seens to have too much testosterone to be put in one group.

So now I am writning about the top 5 boy bands with their songs that I think played a big part of every girl’s fantasy in the 90’s and earlt 2000’s..

5. Boyzone -Love me for a reason

I mean, seriously, what kind of girl wouldn’t be mesmerized with 5 men singing a song about asking a girl to love and to not play with their hearts. They are really adorable. I can not even forget the video of this song, 5 equally great looking guys with a candle-lit background singing about love, it’s like a paradise.  and though  I may not listen to these kind of songs often now but everytime I hear this song I knew, I loved them for a reason.  Lol. 🙂 It’s great that these guys are having a comeback, too bad, Stephen is no longer around,but atleast the kids of this generation can get to know the band as well.

4. LF0-  Summer Girls

Who can ever forget this 3 guys singing about summer and girls and just pure fun? Though Rich Cronin, already passed away. Everytime I think of summer I remember this song and I can’t help but smile. Somehow I think this song never gets old. Definitely something worthy to be the soundtrack of everyone’s summer.:)

3. N’sync- Drivie myself crazy

Yes. I think most people like N’sync best whne their doing their extremely difficult but nonetheless exceedingly brilliant dance routines. But I like ’em more when I heard this song. And I think the video is undoubtedly funny, I mean they all went crazy, literally. 🙂 I think its really cute. And this song, I think a lot of guys can relate to it, I can’t say I can personally but I think the theme of this song is something that can happen in reality, You know how a guy did something wrong and hurt the one he really loves and he can’t get a second chance with her.  And I think tha Lance is incredibly hot in this video, I know he’s gay, but that doesn’t make him less hotter.

2. Westlife- When you’re looking like that

I don’t know about you guys but I have to say that out of all of their songs, this one is my Favorite. I mean its melody and lyrics plus the fact that  Nicky Byrne is such a fox in this video makes me want to just watch and listen to this video all night long. 🙂 It has very catchy tune and I swear I have the words in my head and even the second voice. 🙂

1. Backstreet boys – All I have to give

I cannot say that I am a diehard BSB fan but I have to admit that I have a problem resisting Nick Carter’s charm from time to time. lol. Seriously. And this song and video ain’t helping me fix that problem. The lyrics and their smooth moves just makes me feel like I was 13 again. Hmmm.. These boys are just ever so talented and they have this kind of unique looks and distinctive voices that makes me want to ask themto kiss my problems all away. 🙂

Uh huh, so that’s about it. It is like a trip to memory lane. I feel a whole lot better after watching all these videos. I hope kids of this generation will take time in knowing the songs of  this guys. 🙂

Any thoughts?

Warning: Do not read this if you are eating. It contains words like blood, fluids, bleeding and whatever.

Many of you knew that I had excisional biopsy done less than 3 weeks ago. And I was relieved that it was over and done and I got the results just last sunday, and it was a good result, it is not cancer. (Thank God) 🙂

So that’s the good news however, earlier this week, I had experienced some pain from my then, dried surgical wound. I started to notice little drops of blood in my shirt. I thought that it was a part of scab that was accidentally scratch, hence, the minor bleeding but yesterday morning I just got home from my 8pm-5am job, I changed the dressing, I noticed that after less than an hour, the dressing is soaked with fluid with a little blood. I still didn’t mind it and just decided to change it again and I sleep. I woke up at noon and surprised to see the dressing soaked in blood. So I called my friend, Karen, and asked her if she can come with me to a nearby hospital. I was supposed to have my checked up that day at 5pm in a different hospital which is an hour away from my place but I couldn’t wait anymore, I was so nervous so we went to a hospital nearby, I was informed that, the bleeding is a complication of the surgery. I was told that somehow after the surgery an internal bleeding which causes hematoma formation in the surgical site. From the outside it seemed dry, but inside tissues are not healed and blood, fluids and whatever stuff is trapped inside which resulted to the tenderness, inflammation and pain. The doctor told me that we’re gonna have to open it up a little bit so that the bodily fluids stuck inside can be pushed out. I was so scared but I have to get it over with so I decided to have that procedure right away.

It was a really painful experience and seeing a lot of blood and fluis didn’t help my nerves. I was sobbing and crying the entire time it was happening. But I’m glad it’s over now and I live to write about it. 🙂

Doctor advised me to take 7 days rest, so now I am at home, with time in my hands. I’m still in pain and still havng a hard time moving my left hand because the pain radiates to it  so I only used my right hand for typing but nonetheless I’m feeling okay now and I hope to feel a lot better this coming days. 🙂


I’ve missed writing, I haven’t written anything for 10 days.

Truth to be told,

I need you to hold.

My Hand, My Heart.

When can we even start?

Truth to be said,

You piled up in my head.

Your smile, Your skin.

My defenses are turning thin.

That’s the truth locked inside of me.

 I am already setting it free.

Now that you have it in your hands…

Are you going to tell me, Where I should stand?

Not just half-awake but wide awake. I have always thought of writing a novel. And for few occasions, I started writing, but halfway through the intro, I always feel that I am not ready. I have no formal training in writng and I always end up doubting myself and thinking that It will be a waste of time. Now I realized that doubting myself is an awful way of wasting time. I should have continued writing those unfinished works. I would have had, give or take two sucky unpublished novels by now but nonetheless I could have used all the experience that I could have gain in order to improve my craft and write something better but I was so scared to fail and be bad at it that I chose not to continue writing.

But I know now that Writing is way too important to give up just like that.

It is time for me to write my first novel and I know it will not be easy.

And maybe I will fail to do so, but what is life without taking risk?

I will write because it makes me feel good and it is something that I want to be good at.And when are passionate about something, you just need not question your abilities and just do it.  And if in time, I will fail to finish this novel, It is comforting to know that I tried.

But I am kinda hoping that I will finish it. So I better start writing now. 🙂

To think of times you come and go

in the minds of people you didn’t even know

 The coldness of their piercing looks,

because of the path you knowingly took.

You live a life with nothing left,

but all those guilt that seemed unkempt.

Bottled up regrets that keeps you still,

the life of a man that you were so quick to steal.

You are the cultprit, the witness and the victim.

You gain a little yet you lost your dreams.

Wishing everything can end in a blink of an eye.

You wishing the easiest way to die.

But you were long dead even before you die.

You lost for family and friends that night.

You want it all to end so fast

Because you think in  death, you will be free at last.


I know this is a really dark poem.

For some reasons, These words came

to me after reading a story of a murderer

who asked for death penalty but

was given life imprisonmennt.


Yes. That’s one of the many curious questions that stays in my head. Few years ago, I was just an average to student battling sleep during class discussions. Trying to avoid making bad choices. Just merely trying to pass every subjects that I have at that moment.


Life was just simple then: Going to school, Acting like your listening, Answering exams, Being with your friends. But at that time, no one really thought of it as simple. At that time, I think it was already complicated. I used to worry about it not submitting the requirements, failing an exam or two, Not being able to answer in a recitation. Then it hit me, LIFE IS NEVER REALLY SIMPLE.


I just think of the past years is simple because I already survived it. I already made it through those complex years and all the worries I had then, is no longer a threat. And back then though, I had numerous uncertainties, I have one specific goal and that was to finish college one specific method called studying was all I needed to do to finish college. And so I did.


A few years later, Here I am. With one plain goal, that is to be somebody someday. That’s the hardest part.

Unlike being in school where all you need to do is to study and then you’re good to go.

Real life is different. There is no single plan that I can take in order for me to reach my goal, Even the goal, is vague itself. I mean, be somebody, it doesn’t necessarily mean that, I need to be a celebrity of some sort, although, that is kind of a plausible option as well. I just want to be able to express myself and show others that I am good at something. I wanted to touch people’s lives.


I know, I know. My explanation is not really that much help. But you see, we can never really explain our dreams and goals with our words. All we can do is try to come up with decent interpretation of what we want to achieve. I know, most of you have dreams that only you, yourself can understand. But when we achieved our goals, everything will make perfect sense.


And when the time comes that we achieved our goals, whatever that is. Then we wouldn’t have to explain it. Everyone around us will just know that we made it through the complexities of life. 🙂

I’m sorry I haven’t posted something for almost a week. I’ve been kind of busy with work.

My shift at work changed so I was quite adjusting to it. And I’ve been thinking of new ways to improve this site.

You know, I’m thinking of new materials and topics to write about.

And also, since my job is keeping me occupied on most days, I think for quite sometime, my frequency of blogging will be weekly. I’ll try to write as much as I can during my days off. 🙂

Keep reading.