That night that you left,
was the same night that I cried.
That day you were gone,
was the same day I had none.
You turned your back
and I turned away.
You lost your life
but the pain in me stayed.
Those years that passed,
I wonder how I made it through.
You broke my heart
yet you never had a clue.
There are lots of questions,
questions inside my head.
Why did you have to go?
You should have been with us instead.
Then I feel your hand,
pressed against mine.
Finally, I can see you.
and see your face shine.
But when I opened my eyes,
there was no you.
It was only a dream,
but I wished it was true.
So I wake up today still with a heavy heart.
I don’t know, Maybe this is what happens, when you’re really unsure of things in your life.
Unsure of the things that you are pursuing. Unsure of yourself.
I feel like a damsel in distress, but there’s no one to save me.
Is it weird that sometimes, I just wished that someone can come and just take me away from it all?
Away from this lonesome feeling, away from this uncertainty, away from the problems of life.
But maybe I can never really escape uncertainty and all this kinds of negative feelings,
when I’m uncertain about myself.
But where does certainty comes from anyway?
Does it happen when suddenly you found something you are good at and then you are happy to pursue it?
Does it come with the talent that you knew you have from the start and you have the resources to hone it?
Does it involve making decisions that took you long enough to arrived?
Or does it include making unsure choices and then finding yourself in the end.
But then again, maybe certainty is never on the menu.
Maybe all we have to do is try and if we fail, the we should try again.
Maybe I need to take more chances and be not afraid even it it didn’t turn out as I expect.
Maybe all we need is just a little bit of faith and confidence in ourselves.
There I go again, with all my “Maybe’s”
This just goes to show that life really is full of uncertainties.
That’s just how life roll.
But I know I have to have the confidence and be certain about myself, then everything will follow!
But how can I be certain about myself?
That I do not know. I guess it takes a little more time than 22 years to be able to say that I am certainly certain about who I am.
But then again, its just a guess. So hopefully someday, we will all know.
Warning: This post may include my random rants, but please bear with it, it gets all positive in the end.
I woke up today with a bad headache and a heavy heart. It is not the first time though. This past months I’ve been waking up to the exact same feeling. Maybe it’s because I feel like I have no sense of direction at all. I guess this is what you call “Quarter-Life Crisis”. If there is such thing, then this is probably it.
I am 22 and by now I thought I already realized what I am supposed to do with my life and what person I should be. But No, I feel like back in square one, I feel like I am the same 19 y/o girl who just stepped out of college.
I just really thought by now, I have figured out everything and I’m making a mark for myself. But the only mark I have is the mark of the sheets in my face after a long sleep. I wanna be somebody that matters, I wanna do stuff that matters. And I thought by now, I have done that.
I know, maybe you are thinking, What’s the rush? And that 22 is still young for me to feel hopeless. But I feel like I’m running out of time. This sounds crazy, I know. I am still trying make sense of it all.
I am trying to look on the positive side of this feeling, and I have come to the realization that this feeling, It’s what pushed me start blogging. I thought maybe channeling my energy into something else other than obsessing about my future, will help me and maybe it will also help others who are feeling loss or hopeless. Maybe someday, the things I write about will matter not only to me, but to other people who are reading this. There are so many possibilities in life, and I realized I should dwell on the negative side of my life.
Sure, some people have it easier than I have. But then again I realized, If I hadn’t had the experiences and sadness that I have, then what would I have to write about?
Every one gets lonely sometimes. It is easy to find things that can make us sad but when it comes to finding happiness, we are always having a hard time coming up with one.
Why do people get lonely? Before I finished typing that question, my mind is already flooded with reasons such as:
- Death of loved ones
- Loss of something of value (job, pets, most-priced possessions
- Insecurities and feeling of being alone
The list could go on. It is normal to be lonely every once in a while but If the loneliness takes a hold of your life then that’s a different situation.
We often hear people say the words “I am so depressed.” It is a random expression when one is having a hard time or going through a rough patch but sometimes it is more than an expression, sometimes it really is DEPRESSION. A state wherein every strand of hope is lost and the sense of powerlessness, distraught, uncertainty and confusion heightens.
DEPRESSION is not necessarily a mental disorder. It maybe one’s reaction to a stimuli or a sudden change.
One can fight it by
- focusing or diverting his time and energy in doing something more productive
- seeking advices and support of loved ones
- staying positive and looking on the bright side
- doing things that you love to do.
- praying and seeking guidance from the Lord
But if you feel that loneliness and the feeling of depression does not go away then It wouldn’t hurt to consult doctor about it. Talk to a professional because he can really help you win this battle.
No one needs to face it alone. There are a lot of people who are willing to help.
All you have to do is ask. 🙂